We're all going to die.

idea-of-forever replied to your post: I bought myself a sexy bra and panties set because…

Sexy bitch <3

I dreamed a lot last night but most of it is slipped away now. I remember a sense of rushiness. We were going somewhere to do something. There was a tree that, when I saw it, made me cry. Parking spaces. The dreamscape kept shifting and it was like I was falling from one storybook to another. An old house. I think sometimes I must be crazy and I don’t know why I’m so unsatisfied here when really I have most of what anyone could ever truly want, ache for in their soul. Except not. Emptiness. I feel claustrophobic of this country, let me out, I didn’t sign up for this. Swiveling beam of light, always just missing my face. I don’t know what I want. After 2000 miles, roads all look the same. Constantly searching. For what?

I switched the email associated with this tumblr account so if my blog, I don’t know, disappears or something, I’m really sorry and it’s probably something to do with that.

thereasonilovelosingsleep asked: Aloe, crocus, lilac :)

Aloe: What is something that would instantly make you cry at the sight/mention of it?

• Cruelty (witnessing child or animal abuse, for example).
• When I’ve passed the scene of a collision on the highway, that always makes me cry because someone could be very hurt or dead.
• When one of my family is extremely depressed and can’t get out of it and I can’t help them.

Crocus: Describe a happy memory from childhood.
When I was little and we’d be coming home at night from visiting someone’s house, I’d usually fall asleep in the car. I’d wake up a little bit as my dad was carrying me inside and putting me down on my bed. That feeling. The place between asleep and awake. And knowing that you’re safe, you feel so small and yet so secure. I was very lucky to have the childhood I did. It might’ve been uncertain and sad at times, but I never had to question whether or not I was loved or wanted. I always knew that I was.

Lilac: Describe your first love.
He wasn’t what he seemed. At one time I loved him deeply, wildly, blindly. But he wasn’t at all who I thought he was.

Things I did today:

• Went on a few miles bike ride to get away from things (I biked out to see the horses but they were nowhere to be found).
• Ate a dandelion (it reminded me of when I was 7, these girls in my grade ate dandelions during phy. ed. when we were out in the field running laps and one of them said her mouth tasted yellow and her friends laughed at her and said you can’t taste colors and I felt sad that they told her that because I could taste sensations, like stepping on thistles).
• Ran and danced in the torrential downpour (my clothes were immediately soaked through to the skin. More than one person told me I ‘needed to change my shirt’, because it was white and then see-through. I was reluctant to do so because I think wet white t-shirts on a body are incredibly hot. I felt sexy, so sue me).
• Tweaked more with improvising on the piano (it wasn’t as cool as before because people were listening and so I was holding back my full creative potential because self-consciousness).
• Bought a scratching post for my cat (she still uses the couch instead).

losingtoeternity asked: amaryllis, Chrysanthemum, Dittany, Geranium, Tuberose, Statice

Amaryllis: What incident from the past makes you still beam proudly today?
Hmm. Well, once when I was maybe 13, I had my horse Strawberry out in the yard grazing. She was just on a long lead line tied to a cement block, which was holding her fine when she was calm. But she spooked at something when my 5 year old cousin was out there with me looking at her. She started running towards us and the cement block obviously just started dragging behind her. And it was like full-tilt gallop. But because she was running towards us I knew there was no way we could’ve outrun her (and this all happened in a matter of seconds so it was like first instinct reaction that’s it), so I took a few running steps towards her and threw my arms out and made some loud shouting noise, and it was enough to divert her from our path and she ran by us instead of into us. I wouldn’t say I beam proudly at that necessarily, but I’m glad it was my first reaction to protect my little cousin even if it meant putting myself in danger, rather than running to save myself and leaving her behind to be trampled.

Chrysanthemum: What is one lie that later got you in trouble?
A couple years ago Nikki and I took a spontaneous roadtrip at 1 in the morning. We drove over halfway across the state and back in the nighttime, and we each told our parents we were at the other’s house for the night (neither of them checked in with the other to confirm this). We got back home at about 9 in the morning and somehow her mom had found out we weren’t actually at my house like Nikki had told her, and she was absolutely livid. She thought we’d been out partying or something. And then my parents found out from her that I’d lied and wasn’t at Nikki’s house that night, so they were pissed too. They didn’t believe us that we’d just driven back to Nikki’s childhood home and then sat at WalMart for a while and then came back. They were all pretty mad and very untrusting of us for a while after that. That’s seriously the extent of my rebellion like ever though :D

Dittany: Are you afraid of child labor?
(I can’t tell if this means like forcing children to work underage or if this means giving birth. I’ll go with the latter) I’m somewhat nervous of the thought of pushing 8 or so pounds of infant out of my uterus and through my vaginal canal, yes. But I’m fairly certain I’ll never have kids.

Geranium: What is something stupid that you did in the past?
Ugh, well I can never just shut my mouth when I should, so that’s led to a lot of awkward situations. Like I’m pretty much an open book and not usually in a good way. I’M REALLY SORRY OKAY I REALLY AM.

Tuberose: What’s one of your guilty pleasures?
This could go in so many directions :D I can’t really think of any ‘pleasures’ that are guilty for me, though. Except maybe like days I’m in the city and basically live off of junk food, that always makes me feel gross afterwards.

Statice: What is something about you that will never change?
I’ve always been sort of fiery, feisty, hot-tempered. I don’t think that part of me will change.